The end has come..or very nearly has atleast.  I have about 1 week left in my internship.  Its really exciting to see how God has worked in my life during this time.  Ive gotten the privalage of seeing some kids with little/no faith become true leaders in the youth group.  Ive gotten to see awesome guys become even more amazing, as they take leadership positions themselves.  Ive gotten to see honest growth in most of the kids.  There are 6 kids ive really poured into the most, and ive talked about a few of them on here before.  Cory is of course the mentorship student, and a kid who went from little to no faith to becoming a man who honestly seeks Gods will for his life.  He has grown sooo much in these last 6 months, not that im trying to take credit for any of this, because i by no means had anything to do with it, its all God working through me, but i guess on this holiday of giving thanks i wanted to take a minute to thank God for using me in this way.

Now onto the other 5 kids... haha.  Aaron is a Senior in high school with an amazing heart, a man who has undoubtedly stepped up and become the main student leader in the youth ministry.  Hes really amazing, and ive really gotten to see him grow and gotten the privalage of encouraging him.  Such a thirll.  Same goes for a girl name Kelly. probably the most amazing freshman in high school ive ever met.  At times shes more bold in her faith than i will ever dream to be...AS A FRESHMAN!  shes amazing, and again God blessed me with the privalage of having an impact. 

But for all those blessings there have been the discouragements.  Its hard to look back and say 1 of the 6 people i spent the most time with here... may be in worse shape now than when i got here...and if shes not, she certainly hasnt grown a lot...  atleast it doesnt show in her actions.  I guess the point is this....  Ive learned why people say youth ministry will always be hard.  But more importantly ive learned teh dangers of becoming a students friend, as opposed to being their youth leader.  In her case, i swayed towards friend and big brother far too often.....not meaning i did anythign wrong persay, just saying as a youth leader i would have at times been more blunt and honest and been a little less concerned about hurt feelings, for the price of truth...if that makes sense at all.  

I typed all that just to say..its really hard to invest in a relationship and leave fearing that investment was a waste.  I fear in a spiritual sense, all the time and energy i put into her life is wasted.  And i certainly understand God may use things ive said or done in the future, but i still feel that way....   Now if youve been counting i said 6, and ive only listed 5.  This leaves a girl named Abby, who is Traci's best friend, and now Cory's girlfriend..   This is a pretty crazy intermingled group, as one would expect i suppose.  (the cool part is theyre so intermingled becasue of church, and befoer i got here the only really avid attender and active member in the youth group was Aaron..so thats kinda cool and encouraging)   Abby is a really great girl, who loves God very much, and loves Traci as her best freind..  and is also probably the only person who Traci would listen to on this subject.  Problem is, Abby is happy for Traci and her non-christian relationship..ahhh.  Abby in reality is happy that Traci is so happy....but doesnt htat just amount to condoning sin?  so much frustration has arisen on all fronts...lol.  And im sorry all my posts have been about this, this is just whats goign on in my life right now...  I love these kids so much, and so desire them to seek the Lord in all they do (and since i only journal when im feeling sad... there struggles are really all that make me sad enough to journal)  i realize this could make it seem like a very unheatly obsession..lol...its not that bad... thankfullly..  haha.  But how do i help Abby to understand that being a good friend is sometimes doing what Traci NEEDS her to do and say, not what Traci WANTS her to do and say?   make sense?  i hope so...

Again, sorry about all that, frustration is coming out...lol.  By the way in case your wondering, no one out here knows anything about xanga, or this account AT ALL...which is y I am so candid with names and such...  I would really appreaciate prayer through all this.. 

I really cant wait to see all of you!!!  Adam, i miss you so much brother.  Joanna, same deal!  Cally!!  your amazing!  i thnk that would probably cover the list of people that will read all this...lol 

Wow, i really need prayer guys.  First of all, my car is having a near death experience.  I find out on Monday whether i cracked the head (big problem) or not, so please be praying i didnt!  Also im having a really hard time hanging out with Cory and his g/f (Abby) together.  I'm fine when i am just with Cory, but seeing them together brings just tons of frustration, becasue i see the folly and i fear for him.  Pray that i will have the strength to get over myself, my own feelings, and love them the way God wants me too.  I spent some time with them today and that wasnt working out all that well.  Im quite sure the same problem will ensue when i meet Traci's non-christian b/f.....and thats an even more important sitution where i need to be loving and caring, because i certainly dont want his view of the Church to be one of judgement and dislikal.  So pray for me.....pray for the strength to show the love i have for them......thanks guys!

Hey all!!  wow has it been a while!  im still in Oregon and i have truly been blessed by my time here.  The most important thing ive learned here is something actually quite simple.  His grace is enough.. (thats become my favorite song)  I have for a long time beat myself up, thinking i was no where near adequate enough to have the privalage of ministering to youth.  And this time here has given me the confidence to know that God's grace is enough.  He has created me to minister to the youth of this world, he has given me this calling....  and he has given me a passion for it, because i love my kids so much, and i love watching them grow!  Im starting to realize what is going to happen when i leave here, its going to shatter my heart.  I dont want to leave this kids, this is the first time where i know ive had an honest spiritual impact in quite a few kids lives, and especially one kid, his name is Cory.  He is my mentorship student and ive been having weekly bible study sessions as well as a time to pray with him and hold him accountable, but most of all just love him and exemplify Christ in all i do.  Ive gotten to see this kid grow so much, and i know leaving him in the hands of God is a very good place to leave him, but that still doesnt make it easy....its hard leaving kids....i dont want to.... (although i CANT WAIT to see my LCC and home people!!)  im very confused...haha, but really pleased with my time here and i really love Oregon..could definitely see myself coming back.  All this and we stil havent got to the main point.  wowsers im talkative tonight... so i need some help (although i could probably just call the 2 of you that are actually going to read this, but whatever...lol)  1 of my girls (i have 3 girls and 3 guys that ive become very close with in my time here...and a lot of other kids i know real well, but that is kinda like my main group, or wahtever you want to call it) just started dating a non-christian.  This girl is very new to the faith, and my opinion still means a ton to her.....Ive been telling her all along to just talk about it with him (because she didnt know if he was a christian or not)  Well she finally talked to him, and hes not, but yet shes decided to date him (he asked her last night)  She called and told me.....i didnt know what to do..she was really scared to tell me.  I told her i didnt think it was smart, and didnt approve, but that i would always be there for her and care for her and be her friend.  Is this the way to go?  i certainly dont want her following gods commands just for me, should i force my morals onto her?  or just gently encourage but over all just lover her and be there as she figures it all out on her own.  The other issue is with Cory, the mentorship student.  He really doesnt have any connections to the church except me and this group of 3 girls (he has other friends certainly, but hes excited to come to church for those 4 people..... and God)  If his relationship with those girls soured, his attednace would no doubt decline....especially at youth events...which really help to stretch and grow him..  But he has decided to date another for the 3 girls (its been a rough few days..both of these thrown on me....AND THESE ARE MY GIRLS......like my lil sisters.......i dont want them dating anyone til there like 60..haha)  but again, not smart in my opionion because cory has a decent history of relationships ending kinda poorly....and if his relationship with these girls suffer, so will his relationship with the church...and eventually (probably) with God.  this again scared me, and i shared my opinions with him, which he valued, then ignored... lol  (so he dindt value...but hes a strong-willed kid...hes gonna have to figure out stuff on his own...wont listen to people too often..)  again what do i do?  sorry this is so long....but just wanted to air out a few things, and get a few thoughts....i honestly think i handled them both pretty well.....but id love to hear what you would have done differently...hope you 2 are doing great (adam and joanna)  i love you 2!!  have a great one!